Lonely Days and Memories
by tadsgirl
Summary: She never recovered. He never forgave himself. All he wanted was to say he was sorry.
1. Chapter 1

**_It tickled my mind to have a devistated Amber. What happens when everything is taken away?  
__This is a pretty dark story but as always, A/C forever._**

_**Dedicated to the Queen, and CyberAunt Writergirl2003. Thanks for the joy you've given us.**_

Prologue

Oh Lord, the man smelled. The scent of Wild Turkey and unwashed clothes filled her nose as she walked him to the bus stop. He was almost too heavy for her to support but she knew that she had to make it. She couldn't leave him with the bloody nose, cut forehead, who knows what other injuries. Yet he hummed and smiled at her. She did her best to keep him standing as she waved and yelled for the bus pick them up. Luckily the people on the bus saw her and asked the driver to stop. She pushed him through the door as her shoes slipped in the slush on the curb, and she nearly fell. Finally he made it up the steps and she pulled her purse forward to pay their fare, pushing her glasses back up her nose. The driver looked at them with disgust as she counted out the change.

"He goes to the back." The driver growled.

"Yes." She said as she dropped the change into the receptacle. "To the back…"

He began to sing, "Slow down, you're movin' too fast. You've got to make the morning last…." as she tried to avoid making eye contact with any of the riders. She could hear the gasps and ticks as he walked by. She pushed him on to the long seat in the back and he plopped down as he sang the chorus, "Feeling Groooovvvvyyyy". She sat next to him and searched her purse for her handkerchief. She pulled it out, licked it and tilted his face to hers. As she wiped the blood from under his nose, his blue eyes twinkled at her.

"You are an angel Amber." He said as he beamed.

"I know, Corny. I know." She said as she continued to wipe.


	2. Chapter 2

**_I'll probably upload this story pretty fast.  
Thanks for the wonderful reviews Ladies!_**

1

Melody Hassan had never seen a case of a young woman so much in the depths of despair. Outwardly, she seemed fine. She held a job and an apartment but under the surface, she was a broken and beaten human being. Melody studied her as she spoke. Her hair hung brushed but unstyled, her clothes nearly matronly, and her lack of make-up accentuated the plainness of her face under her thick rimmed glasses. As she talked about her life at the bank, Melody plotted how to bring out this girl's beauty. A little eyeliner, a bit of curl, a pretty dress and she could be lovely. Yet even with suggestions of bettering her look, something was stopping her. Melody didn't yet know what held her back from putting in that effort, but she was beginning to put the puzzle together. A rich, privileged childhood led to a huge event that caused her mother's breakdown and this girl's suicide attempt. Institutionalized and medicated, she became functional and that was it. Melody had been seeing her for six years. She still hadn't earned the trust that would reveal the whole story, yet the girl returned to sit in her office, over and over. She told Melody that his was the only place she felt comfortable. So Melody continued to see her.

Amber hated herself. Sometimes the pain was just too much. She felt she was a waste of space and told the therapist over and over that she took too much of her time. Melody was kind. She let her make small payments for the time she spent with her and insisted that it was more than enough. When she couldn't afford to pay a thing, Melody put an arm around her slight frame and told her that it would be a Christmas present or Birthday gift. While Amber begged to be billed for the sessions, those bills never arrived. Kindness was not something Amber was used to and while she pushed the therapist away when it came to her emotional state, she felt that this woman was her only friend. If she didn't have Melody, she would probably crack again. No not probably, she surely would. This lady with the great husband and beautiful children was her imaginary family. She couldn't live without her.

Somehow she could never bring herself to tell Melody what happened to her. The events of 1962 were too painful and when she began to relay the story, she began to shake and feel dizzy. She just couldn't talk about it. The show, the pageant, her mother screaming and running into traffic after her breakdown, the dread, the despair, how everyone hated her, how they treated her, how good it felt to slide that knife through her forearms, knowing that it would take away the pain, yet finding herself in a much more painful situation in the institution. Wonderful caregivers by day, abusive orderlies at night. They took her innocence and ego. She would never recover from what they did. The lithium could only help her seem to function like a human. In reality, she knew that she only existed, she didn't live. And while the lure of suicide never left her mind, the fear of that institution frightened her enough not to try it again. She had been a failure her entire life, even in her attempt at death. She knew that she would never succeed. She never succeeded at anything.

During her time in Woman's shelters after leaving the institution, she saw every one of her accomplishments as less than everyone else. She got the job as a waitress; other women got jobs in shops. She got As in her accounting classes; others took Science classes at much higher levels. Not to say that every person she came upon did not think her to be kind and noble, it's just that Amber knew better. She was dirt beneath their feet. She was grateful for the care they showed her, it's just that she knew it would only last as long as she had something to offer them. That was her life. The way it was. She couldn't count on anyone, nor would she. She was on her own, plain and simple. It was easier not to care. One is only hurt by one's own expectations and she learned not to expect. She was never disappointed.

After making it through the community college, she applied for a job at a local bank. She was bright when it came to numbers and this job was perfect. No customer service, just reconciling numbers. She sat in a back office by herself and worked the adding machine. People tried to talk to her, to make her feel welcome, but Amber knew that they were being nice, nothing more and as time wore on, they left her alone. The hellos and goodbyes were good enough. The job was perfect for her. She didn't have to deal with anyone.

So as the years went by, she settled in nicely to her lonely existence. It really didn't matter if she enjoyed it or she didn't. She was there. She and her cat. They watched TV and ate from the same bowl. He may not have been human but he was her only friend. She knew that if she ever succeeded as her mother did, to end her life, this cat would do fine without her. He was a cat after all who didn't need a human being. Neither did she.

Yet Melody always tried. She invited her to holidays and picnics, hoping that she could find someone to see the person inside the wallflower. Amber turned down every invitation. She would come to their house alone, but never for social occasions. When Melody watched her with talking with the children before dinner, she could see how much love was inside this girl. It was painful to watch her dealing with adults after she was singing and playing with the little ones. Amber told her over and over that children didn't see how horrible she was. Melody tried to make her see that she was beautiful, Amber knew otherwise.

"Will you be with us Sunday, Amber?" Melody asked as their session ended, "It's only my sister's family and ours. Will you join us?"

Amber wouldn't meet her glance. "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I won't be able to make it."

"Janette is waiting for you to teach her a new dance. She'll be so disappointed." Melody cajoled, using her daughter as her excuse.

Amber genuinely smiled, "Tell her I can come another day." She thought for a second, "Saturday! Tell her I'll come Saturday. We'll watch American Bandstand together. She'll like that."

Melody sighed. "She will, but all of us would like it if you joined us on Sunday"

"Maybe another time, okay?"

Melody knew there would not be another time. There never was. Amber would come on Saturday, laugh, sing and amuse her children to no end. It was always the same. Amber gave them such joy, but she never received the joy they offered back. The girl knew that one day those children would grow up and see her for what she was. Totally a figment of her own broken ego, she saw herself as a shadow. Amber was sure they would realize it one day.

As she opened the door to leave Melody put an arm around her. "Make sure you eat Amber. I'm going to ask you next time. You're looking skinny again." She smiled as she rubbed her shoulder, "You need enough energy for my kids, right?"

Amber smiled weakly and said nothing as she left.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks again for the R&Rs!  
(I wish I was camping with Lazy Chestnut)_

2

Corny Collins was always just a touch too Ra-ra America for the Sixties. In some ways, he felt older than he was. Because he worked with young people he was in tune to the latest music, the latest lingo and others lumped him in with them. True, he was less than ten years older than these kids but personally, he felt that he fit better with his father's generation than his own. Born in 1936, he was told of the depression and how hard it was for his family just beginning their lives. He remembered WWII from a child's point of view. Staying with his Aunt while his mother worked the factory and how proud he was of his father when he came back, although without a leg. Everyone loved America when he was a child

The Sixties were different. Starting in the early years, life seemed to be the same, but as the decade progressed things began to change. Corny felt that he was on the cutting edge of it. He was good friends with many people of color. He had no problem traveling to the neighborhoods that other white people were terrified of. Dinners at Maybelle's were always like home. He dreamed of an integrated show and that came to light. The kids, colored or not, considered him a friend. And he felt the same.

So when those boys began to be drafted away, he suffered along with their families. Most of the white kids went onto college and avoided service, however the boys from the colored neighborhoods donned uniforms and proudly went on to serve and protect. Seaweed found that his new status as "father" prevented his time in the service. Although Maybelle and Penny were thrilled, he always felt a bit lacking. That is until the first death hit the neighborhood.

Tyrone was a tall handsome boy who moved with a grace unmatched. His mother had died early, giving birth to his fourth sibling. While his father worked the docks, he entertained and watched over the other kids. Everyone loved him. Whether young or old, he treated everyone with the sweet caring humor that made all of them forget their troubles. Whether it was helping Grandmothers carry groceries or escorting boys to the library to research school papers, he seemed to be a beam of support to the community. When his draft number came up, they gave him a street party as a good-bye. When his flag draped casket returned, the church was packed. It was the first of many such events. Maybelle hugged Seaweed at the funeral. Her grandchild saved him from the same fate and he seemed relieved. However, the emotion of it began to wear on Corny.

These were his kids, his friends. He saw them leave and saw them come back. Some came back as Tyrone did. Some came back with injuries and mental problems. Every one of those boys changed. Suddenly, they were much older than he was. They saw and experienced things that only his nightmares reveled. Some would talk to him about what they had been through. Some would hide the horrors. As they spoke, he began to formulate what he would have done in the situations. His mind told him that these boys just didn't have the experience to handle the battles. But he did. Guilt weighed on his mind. Why wasn't he there to help? Why are they taking these kids and not men who could help guide them through? Wouldn't it be better if some older men went with them?

He spoke to Maybelle about it. She begged him not to consider it. Did he know the danger he put himself into? What could he possibly be thinking? Why, why, why would he want to do this?

He smiled sweetly at her with every bit of love that he actually felt. He said it was his duty. For the boys, for America. Maybelle cried and hugged him. She knew that nothing could get in the way of his Irish pigheadedness. She had seen it many a time. He set his mind and off he went. Nothing could stop him. Not his mother, or siblings, not even her. She pleaded with him to reconsider, but to no avail. He was going off to war.

The next day he stood in the recruiting office answering questions to a Marine, who acted much older than his baby face revealed. There were a million questions, about his health, his motivation, his sexual orientation. Things that Corny never thought he would ever be asked. He was sure that all he had to do was walk in and volunteer to go. The recruiter stated that he was there just in time for the Marines. Had he been a few years older, he would have to pick another branch of service. At thirty, he was positively ancient compared to the boys who normally signed up. Corny felt proud.

And as he stood butt naked, being evaluated by the doctors before taking the bus to Parris Island for Boot Camp in South Carolina, he was proud of his "old man's body". He looked pretty good compared to those young stallions, although the new haircut left much to be desired. Corny knew this was going to be hard. He had heard from the boys in the neighborhood about the horrors, about the violence. He was told that it would be better for him not to learn quickly not to care, but Corny couldn't help but care. He was going to do his part. He was sure he wouldn't be there long before he came home as a hero.

Hero was not in his future, but heroin was.


	4. Chapter 4

3

Amber remembered what Melody said about eating. She stared at the dollar bills in her hand. After the rent, the electric and bus fare, there wasn't a whole lot left. Then cat food and liter, her priority was never feeding herself. There were people around her that needed the money. Much more than she did. There were those starving children on TV. Amber sponsored two of them. The preachers, trying to help those who were hurting as badly as she was, she sent them checks. Although her miracle never came, she always knew that it did for other people, so she didn't mind. The homeless, the panhandlers who asked for any spare change, she would give them something. Not much but something.

Seemed that everyone around her was suffering and sometimes she wondered if she was the cause. Melody told her that this idea was totally abstract, but it seemed that way. She was the Jonah of her own life and there was no escaping it in her mind.

She looked at the Hot Dog vendor on the corner. He always hummed a happy tune as he served the workers at lunch. One could see the man didn't have much in his life. The cart, a stained apron and enough dogs to make a living. Yet, he was happier than most of the people she worked with. Hearing the conversations before her, a tinge of jealousy ran through her body. She pushed it away.

"Hey there Mr. Albright!" the vendor sang, "The usual today? Pickles and mustard? How about you Miss Everly? No chips today? No need to watch that girlish figure. You'll always be beautiful! And how about you young lady?"

Amber realized that she was first in the line. He was speaking to her. Her eyes met his in surprise then she looked down. "Just a hot dog, please." She said as she pushed her glasses up her nose.

"And how can I dress that for you, Sweet One?" He said as he tilted his head in an attempt to see into her eyes.

"Load it up, Stash!" Amber heard from behind, "She looks like she could use as much as she can get."

Her eyes drifted back to the dirty man who had taken up residence on the corner. The street people always startled her a bit, but she knew that in life they held a higher place than she could hope to attain. The man smiled a brown stained grin through his unkempt beard. "In fact, give her two. The second is on me."

Stash the Vendor smiled but shook his head, "Unless you're reaching into that hat of yours, nothing is on you. Your credit line has long run out my friend." Stash looked Amber's way, "He always wants to show off for the ladies…..Now what would you like on that, My Dear?"

Amber glanced at the bills in her hand. "I'll take two. However he likes them" she said pointing to the homeless man but still not looking up. Stash smiled.

"Filbert there like the works, even the onions. Sure you're ready for that?"

"Yes, sir." She whispered.

Stash loaded the dogs and slipped them into a cardboard tray, "You'll like these. Best in Baltimore!"

She handed over her dollars and he returned the change. Amber grabbed a napkin and one of the loaded dogs, "The other is for him." She said as she dropped the change into the man's hat then proceeded to walk away.

"Wait, you can't do that Sweetheart!" the homeless man said at he attempted to stand on his single leg. "It was supposed to be my treat!" Stash's heart was light as he helped his friend to find his crutch.

Amber waved over her shoulder and did not turn around. "Let her go, Fil." Stash said as he put an arm around his friend. "That is a fine girl. You can catch her next time."

Filbert looked at his hat. "Next time….." He replied as he sat back down. He adjusted the "Homeless Vet" sign and looked down the street to the slight girl. She looked so much like a house mouse just scurrying away. He smiled as he looked to Stash, "Don't let me miss that little mouse next time, promise?"

"Not a problem, my friend. We'll make sure of it." Stash handed Fil back his guitar and he softly began to strum. Stash hummed along as he greeted the next customer.

o0o

As she walked back to her desk Amber felt a bit of satisfaction in herself. Giving to others was all that she could do. Normally, it was pretty anonymous and many of the homeless didn't notice when she dropped her change in their receptacles. They were either playing instruments or preaching the end of the world to passers by. Most times she heard a polite, "Thank you, Miss." Or a "God Bless you, young lady." as she walked on. She knew that the same greeting came to everyone who could spare a coin. This time seemed different.

Amber stared down at the Hot Dog sitting untouched on the corner of her desk. The scent of raw onions assaulted her nose as she had attempted the first bite. Yuck. The homeless man may like them, but she was sure she would not. She glanced to the clock. Five more minutes of lunch. She opened a drawer and grabbed as many napkins as she could find, then scraped the toppings off the sausage into the trash beside her. She studied the meat, making sure every onion was gone and bit in. A wave of flavor hit her tongue as it had not in years. A soft, "Mmmmmm" escaped her lips as she chewed. Could this be a magic hot dog? Where did that taste come from? Lithium tended to dull the tastebuds so normally she consumed just what she needed to have the energy to survive. But this was different. She took another bite, thinking for sure that this time she would feel texture but not experience the taste. She was pleasantly surprised. The sweet spiciness of the meat combined with what was left of the relish and ketchup seemed to swirl through her mouth. She gulped and took another bite, then another. Soon the last of it was gone. She smiled and smacked her lips. Was this right? Did she really taste that? She licked the savory bits from her fingertips, delicately savoring each one. Memories of happier times hit her and tears came to her eyes. Her mind drifted to Finian's where she sipped soda and stole bits of Link's hot dog as he smiled at her. She tried to push it away but for the first time in a while, a warmth came too. Tears ran down her face and she lived just for a second with the feeling of that long gone dream.

"No!" her mind screamed as she violently shook her head. She grabbed her ledgers and pushed the thought out of her mind. No matter how good it felt, she couldn't let herself feel that way anymore. She didn't deserve it and she never would. Never again.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks so much for the R&Rs!_

4

A vet in jungle fatigues bedecked with medals, patches and pins stood alone in the waiting room of the hospital. Just another man home, just another addicted soul. The horrors of war manifested itself in different ways. She could tell he'd been there before so she decided to stroll over to talk. It was her job, to see if the hospital could provide anything more than Methadone for these men, but it was her personal mission to see if she could break through to a troubled man. When Elsie got the word that her only son would not be returning from Vietnam except to his grave, she felt she needed to help these boys. She had always been a good nurse. The kind that really cared. After the realization that William was not returning to her, she threw herself into school and was working on her Master's Degree in Social Work. The Veteran's Hospital snapped her up as soon as she applied. Her years of nursing experience along with her studies were gold in this environment. She was glad to be there.

This man probably had the prettiest blue eyes she had ever seen and they still had a sparkle, unlike so many of his fellow vets whose eyes blankly stared at her as they spoke. There was something special about this one, something familiar, but still she couldn't place him. Was he one of William's friends? No, he seemed older. Elsie was driven by her curiosity and asked him question after question as he waited his turn. He seemed much more open and friendly than the other vets. Where did she know him from? The receptionist called a name and everyone moved down. Two seats were opened for them.

"Why don't we sit down?" she asked as she put a dark hand on his arm.

"You first. Please be my guest…." He smiled with a wave of the hand.

Some of the men who came in still held that idea about "colored" people. While most realized from their time in Nam, that they all bled the same color and a soldier would give his life for a brother no matter the hue of his face, back at home the old prejudices sometimes came through. This one seemed totally at ease with this black woman talking to him. In fact, he seemed thrilled to have anyone interested in his story. Apparently, black or white, no one had asked. No one cared.

"So young man" She began with a smile, "What is your name?"

"They call me Ace, Ma'am, but I don't think I'm too much younger than you are!" He exclaimed.

"Oh I'm not really sure about THAT." She giggled, "Ace is your Marine name. What was your name before the war?"

He studied his hands, "It doesn't really matter, I'm not that person anymore." Elsie could see tears begin to well in his eyes and spoke quickly to short stop them.

"Okay, Ace it is." She leaned back and patted his back, "Nice to meet you, son! I'm Elsie and I can make your life a whole lot easier if you let me."

He laughed out loud, "You got some rice wine up your sleeve?"

"Not that kind of help, Honey." She pointed to the nurse's window, "You'll get that help there. No, more like help with a good meal or a place to stay. Where are you staying, Ace? Where do you call home?"

His eyes flew heavenward, "I live under the stars! The world is my home." His arms arched over his head, "Wherever I lay my head is my home."

"That's fine for now, but how long have you been back? This is not the jungles of Nam. Remember a Baltimore winter. Not exactly steamy you know. Sleeping in the streets can get mighty cold."

"Oh he'll be with me!!" they heard a voice chime and both looked up.

"Fil!" Ace stood and greeted the one legged man who rocked toward them, balancing on his crutches. "Fil, this is my new friend Elsie. She and I have had a nice long conversation about warm beds and good food. Haven't we?"

Filbert nodded at Elsie, "Got us a nice two bedroom box right over on East Pratt. By the Aquarium! During the day we hang out with our friend Stash the Hot Dog Czar. Seems we have an abundance of 'all we need', huh Ace?"

Ace smiled and looked at his friend, "Can I get you a number Fil? They don't just let you cut in line like they used to….."

"Man I can do it!!" Fil cried, "Lord you'd think I was missing a limb or something." He winked at Elsie and moved on.

Ace turned to Elsie as his friend moved away. "I'm taking care of him, see? You'd think he was an old man, but he's actually younger than me. He says a buddy of his was blown up over there by a grenade--it's the one death he couldn't get over. We all have one of those, I think. But we shared a ward in Walter Reed and have been watching for each other ever since, One day when our treatments are over, maybe we can think about some place more permanent. Maybe a nice apartment or…."

"Number 57!" the nurse called from the window.

Ace smiled at his new found friend, "That's mine." He said as he held up the small tab, "Will you be here next week?"

"I'm here everyday."

"I'll talk to you then" and he stood for his meds. As she watched him go, Elsie realized she liked this man. She would be on the lookout for him.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks for the R&Rs everyone! And I also want to give a little "Thank you, Lord!" With as many computer problems as I had, this story was almost lost forever!  
Lots of prayers brought it back!_

5

Amber thought hard about the Hot Dog man. Her paycheck had been slim but she could still come up with the seventy-five cents it took to buy one. Or maybe a bag of chips. That was it, chips. They were only twenty-five then her seventy-five cents could buy Fil another loaded dog. For some reason, this homeless man and the Hot Dog vendor were different than the others on the street. These two brought back memories and feelings that she wouldn't normally allow herself. For the first time in a long time, these two people seemed real. They weren't just speaking to her from outside the fog that surrounded her. Maybe it all had to do with the end of the month Lithium pills that never seem quite as strong as the first of her script, but the taste of that dog, along with the look of the one legged vet, made her feel. Feel, in a way that she could no longer feel. Feel like a person.

She cashed her check, took two dollar bills and a roll of quarters from Amanda at the window. This was the check where she set aside her bus money, all quarters into the cup in the kitchen. But the five dollar bills were something new. A little rush of apprehension overcame her but she pushed it away. She wanted to see the vendor and the vet. Why it seemed so important, she had no clue. Maybe it was the way the Hot Dog made her feel or maybe it was the way they spoke to her. She wasn't quite sure. But she grabbed her purse and headed out. It was raining but warm as she walked out the door.

She moved quicker than she normally did. Her mind told her that she was being silly. These people wouldn't remember her. Stash, would sing his greetings to the customers as he always did, Fil would strum his guitar but all in all, she would be just another person in line. She could buy that Hot Dog for Fil and be on her way. As she made her way to the corner she heard Stash's lilting voice as he spoke with his patrons.

"Ho there, Mr. Howard! A little rain never hurt us now did it?" Stash exclaimed as he passed the tray. "If I put that relish out there, it doubles in volume!" he snickered.

She heard that laugh as she took off her glasses and wiped the drops. Suddenly she caught sight of Fil sitting behind the line of people and umbrellas. He wasn't alone. A man in full Marine garb sat by him, strumming the guitar under a plastic sheet. She was about to turn away when she heard Fil's voice.

"There she is Ace!" he cried, "There's that little mouse I was telling you about."

She felt a need to bolt. She slipped her glasses back on her nose and they fogged up. Ugh, she didn't need that right now.

"Hand me that hat, Man!" Fil cried, "Stash, we've got enough to buy the mouse a dog! Grab this and her lunch is on me." She saw Fil smile through his shaggy beard.

"Oh no really!" she exclaimed, "I can't. I just……"

On the sound of her voice, all heads shot up. Amber kept her eyes down.

"Now Miss" Stash began with a hum, "Ole Fil here's been waiting for you to come back. I swore I would not let this opportunity slip by. Look at that face…."

Amber lifted her eyes and looked in the direction of the vet. "Pleeeaaasseee." She heard as she attempted to focus on him through her fogged glasses. Fil's arms were out and pleading. It felt like a favor to let him buy the food. Amber couldn't help but give in.

She leaned into Stash, "Does he have enough?" she whispered.

Stash leaned back and looked in the hat. "Sure, at least by the end of the day."

"And his friend?" she asked softly.

Stash laughed, "Ace is a vegetarian. Even starving, he wouldn't eat one of these." The other man nodded in agreement from under his hat, "Now, Little Lady, do you want that loaded just like the last time?"

"Ketchup and relish please." She quietly replied.

"See how delicate she is Ace?" Fil began as he fished through the change in his hat, "They don't make ladies like this anymore. You know, the girls today can be just like the boys. Rough and tumble, not like the fine Southern girls we used to know. Sometimes I think….."

Fil continued to elate to his still silent friend as Amber took her meal, nodded a thank you and scurried away. She rounded the corner and bit into the dog. There was that taste again. It was vivid and sweet. She leaned against the bricks while she savored bite after bite. She wasn't sure why it happened and tried not to let her mind go too far from the sensation. If she thought too long, she would have a reason not to come back here. Why she didn't deserve to be human, to be alive. She shoved the last bite into her mouth, wiped it with a napkin and ran back to the bank.

o0o

Fil continued to babble at his friend. Ace was strangely quiet. As the last of the lunchtime crowd began to file away, Stash's mind shifted from the food to his friends. Fil gushed about the skinny girl.

"Fil, what do you think Regina would have to say about all of this?" he said glancing back, "She'd tan your hide for looking at another girl."

"It's not like that Stash!" Fil exclaimed, "She just seems like she needs a friend. And besides, she's not much of a looker, know what I mean?"

"Doesn't matter to a woman, YOU know what I mean." Stash laughed. His eyes fell to Ace who stared after the girl, "Maybe Ace can take her. You don't have a jealous girlfriend looking after you. How about next time you buy for the little mouse?"

"Nope" Ace said as he adjusted the tarp over the two of them, "Not my type."

"Oh you're lookin for the high class babes?" Fil grinned, "You've always been quite the stud there, my friend. Only the best for you. The fancy cars, designer dresses, manicured fingers holding your arm. Yup, they're lining up for you there pal. I see them now, all fancied up and waiting for you to pick them up in your Corvette……"

Stash looked at Ace's face as he stood scanning down the street. It was dark and emotionless. No bright smile or sparkling eyes that usually stared back.

"Shut up, Fil." Stash broke in to the diatribe, "We all have our reasons. You of all people should know that."

Fil fell silent. "You might want to think about it, Ace." He whispered feeling the sting, "She looks to be a fine young girl."

"Yeah, she does." Ace replied as he sat back down.

"Always has been." He thought.


	7. Chapter 7

_I was in the mood to post another chapter. Poolwater, I would say thank you personally if I could. Thanks everyone for the R&Rs_

6

So began her Friday routine. Get paid, get cash, get lunch. It was funny how it kind of became normal. Amber thought about it on the weekends. She talked to Melody about it, the third Thursday of the month. Melody concluded that because the men were in less than ideal conditions, Amber didn't see them as a threat. Amber concluded that she was a pet. A mouse. They even called her that, so it was okay to see them again. They didn't see her as human and neither did she. By feeding their pet, they were doing a duty to humanity. She didn't mind slipping into the role. Anything she could do to help. Melody knew that without a clue, Amber opened herself to the first step of recovery. She began to feel again.

Amber made her way from the bus to the front door of the bank that sunny November morning. It had been weeks since she ate her first Hot Dog and the thought tickled her mind to go there today. She had dug through the couch cushions that weekend and found a dime, two nickels and fourteen pennies. Well over the twenty-five cents needed for the chips. Or maybe she would just walk by and drop the change into Fil's hat. Her daily peanut butter crackers were more than enough to eat. Perhaps the change would help to buy them…..

She spied her desk as her thoughts drifted about the men. Something was unusual there. A splash of color. A spot of red hovered over the desktop. She squinted as she walked. There on her desk, sitting in a plastic cup was a single red rose. She stopped, closed her eyes and looked again. Yes, it was still there. She looked to the other desks, expecting to see many more, but only her desk held a flower. She picked it up and made her way to Amanda.

"Excuse me?" she said without looking up, "This was on my desk."

Amanda smiled, "I saw Carolyn put it there. Maybe you can ask her about it, Honey."

Carolyn was the bank manager. Amber was just a bit afraid of her, but she had to find who the flower really belonged to. She knocked on her door.

"Yes…" Amber heard. She opened and peered in.

"Excuse me ma'am. I think this belongs to you." Amber said softly as she held the rose up.

Carolyn smiled, "Not unless my name is Amber. A lady stopped me this morning and asked me to put that on Amber's desk. It belongs to you."

"What lady?" Amber puzzled out loud.

"A black lady. Never seen her before." Carolyn began, "but I asked her twice. She said Amber. You're our only Amber here. It must be for you."

Amber stood with her mouth open and her mind raced. What was this about?

"Just take it and enjoy." Carolyn continued, "She must be a customer. Maybe she wanted to say thank you for your help"

"But I don't help anyone." Amber stated, "I'm back there"

"Well I don't know, but it's yours girl. Now back to your desk. Work to be done." Carolyn waved her away as she picked up the phone ringing next to her.

Amber stared at the flower as she put it back on her desk. She suddenly had a thought. She picked it up and put it to her nose. The scent drifted into her nostrils. She could smell it. Her eyes closed and suddenly she was younger. The roses on her vanity, the lights warmly glowing around her, her mother calling her name….

Her eyes flew open and she swept the rose into the trash. This wasn't right, it just wasn't. She stared at the red in the container and guilt washed over her. Someone spent money on this. She retrieved the flower and cup. People could enjoy it more than she could. It would be better on the public desk. Better for everyone.

o0o

Elsie waited for her favorite guys to come in. She had news for them. Big news. Her mission had gone well, delivering the flower for the man with the sparkling eyes, but more than that, a shelter would be opening for the winter that was willing to take them in. With a permanent address, and an end to the methadone treatments drawing near, perhaps Ace would consider employment. Maybe he and Fil could have better than the box they were living in. She was nearly giddy as they came in the door.

His eyes scanned the crowd until he saw Elsie. She waved and he signaled that he would be over to her as soon as they got their numbers. Fil was deposited in a seat and Elsie ran over as Ace signed them in.

"So did you do it, Elsie?" Fil asked excitedly, "You didn't talk to her did you? Cause you know he doesn't want her to…."

Elsie interrupted his words, "No one saw me but the bank manager. I watched the first person come in, Fil, Managers are always there early with the key."

"Good, good." He smiled, "It's strange the way he looks at her. It's like he knows her. I swear Elsie, I've never seen him like this before. He's always been so charming and smooth with everyone. He's positively shy around her. Pulls his hat down and won't say a thing, but when she leaves he says things. Like how she is. Not what he thinks she's like but….." His eyes snapped to the side, "Oooo, here he comes."

Fil's voice grew loud, "Did you get our numbers?" he smiled a guilty smile.

Ace didn't hear, "How did it go Elsie?" he quietly asked.

She smiled, "I got the job done!"

Those blue eyes sparkled at her. "Great! And how are you this fine day, Dear Elsie."

"I'm full of news for both of you. Ace, beside the thing this morning.." she winked at him, "I have to tell you about the doctors here. They feel that you no longer need to come. Next week, is your last time. They think you'll be fine, are you ready for that?"

He nodded.

"Good! Fil, I'll still see you for a few weeks until they can adjust your dosage down to what Ace is getting now. He had a head start on you at the beginning."

Fil nodded.

"Now boys understand, you will only be successful if you stay away from the bottle. Start to drink and you'll regress, sure as I sit here."

"Yes, Mom." Ace flashed that smile at her.

"Boy, you're gonna wish your momma got you first if I ever see you back at this clinic for anything more than a hug from me!" She said sternly but smiled back and pinched his cheek. "And here's more news! A warm dry place to spend the night. Salvation Army has a shelter opening up a few blocks from here. I reserved you each a spot." She could see Fil opening his mouth to object but she put a hand up to stop him. "No is not an option on this Mr. Filbert. I'm not going to have my favorite boys frozen on the sidewalk should there come a cold snap."

She shook a finger at them and Fil backed off.

"Then there it is" Fil turned to Ace, "We're gonna be High Society now. Well smell me!"

"Thanks, I'd rather not," Ace replied waving his hand across his face. "At least I try to find soap. You man, smell like toejam." He wrinkled up his nose and turned back to Elsie. "Thank you. I wasn't looking forward to winter on the streets."

His face darkened, "Elsie, would you still do that for me? Would you still do what you did this morning? Would you?" he asked as he looked down.

"Every week, just like I said." She touched his arm.

"It gives me an excuse to see you too!" he threw his arms around her and heard her whisper, "You smoothie, you." He smiled in return.


	8. Chapter 8

_Good Morning!_

A rose a week. Like clockwork it arrived. No note, nor hint of who it was from. Amber puzzled over it. At first she was sure it was a mistake, someone had come to the wrong building, but then it continued. She felt sorry for the poor rose, always in a plastic cup, threatening to fall over at any time. She glanced at it many a time and watched it tip, nearly toppled by a ledger or notepad. As she worked the adding machine, she thought of the slim bud vase she had seen in the thrift store window on her way to the bus stop. It would be perfect. Today for lunch she would stop there and see how much it would cost. Afterall, she should provide something for the roses to sit in. They came no matter what.

Sweet smell and a deep shade of red, every Monday. She looked at the latest one and sighed.

At lunchtime she bundled up and headed out. This day wasn't as cold as yesterday, but the wind was brutal. She looped her scarf over her head and tied it around her neck. Her eyes watered from the wind. As she arrived at the window, she had to take off her glasses and wipe her eyes. She opened the door and walked in.

"May I help you?" a lady behind the counter asked.

"Yes please." Amber responded without looking up, "How much for the bud vase in the window?"

"Seventy-Five cents."

Amber began to count the coins in her change purse. She had gone through every chair and looked under every cushion at home. Penny after penny she counted, then counted again. She was 27 cents short. She sighed and walked out.

Her mind drifted as she arrived back at her desk. She wondered if she could put a down payment on the vase. She cursed herself for not thinking to ask. It was a very small item, would the owners be willing to do a lay-a-way for a seventy-five cent item?

"AMBER!" She nearly jumped out of her seat. Her hand flew up to her mouth as she gasped.

Renaldo from the security team stood in front of her. "Oh, did I STARTLE you?" He laughed loudly at his own humor. "I'm good!" he proclaimed.

Amber stared at him with wide eyes. She had overheard the girls she worked with talking about this guy, many a time. In their opinion, he was loud, obnoxious and had the social graces of a rock. Everyone avoided him. He was so full of himself that no one could stand it. And now here he was laughing and talking to her. Amber began to stammer.

"I, um…"

"I noticed your pretty flowers, Little Girlie," he began with a smirk, "thought you might be going to meet your boyfriend today!"

"Ah, no….." she began but he was too wrapped in what he was saying.

"I saw you going into that shop. You do look like a thrift shop kind of girl." He said as he laughed at her. Old feelings of pride began to well up. She huffed and looked down.

Renaldo had no clue what he had done so he just continued to drone on in her direction. "So anyway, I went in after you and asked the woman what you were there for. Here, this is for you."

She looked up at him and saw the glass bud vase in his outstretched hand. He grinned.

Amber felt nothing but utter disappointment. That was hers. She wanted to buy it. "No, thank you." She replied as she reached for the nearest pencil, but he never heard. He grabbed the rose off her desk and stuck it into the vase.

"There!" he proclaimed as he plopped it back down. "That looks better."

Amber looked at the rose. He snapped the bloom as he snatched it and it bent in an odd direction. Tears welled up in her eyes.

He put his hands on her desk and leaned into her. "Now how about going to lunch with me sometime, huh Girlie? I'd say you owe me…"

She backed away as Renaldo's supervisor called his name.

"Gotta go. But I'll be back. Just you see, Honey!" He smirked, quite satisfied with himself as he turned and walked away.

Her mind couldn't get around what had happened. She was horrified. She didn't want to be bothered by this man. She wanted to do her job and not talk to anyone, let alone someone who wanted something she was not willing to give. She didn't want to go out to lunch with anyone. She didn't want to even speak to anyone, especially a person so bold as to follow her…..

Follow her. He followed her. If he followed her to a shop, could he follow her home? To her own front door? Where no one would hear her cries or care just like when she was in the institution? Amber began to shake. She took the broken rose out of the bud vase and deposited it back in its cup. The bud vase would be returned to the security guard's area. She would do it when no one was looking.

And from that day forward Amber would do anything to avoid speaking with Renaldo Bloom.

o0o

He watched her from a distance as she waited for the bus. She studied her shoes and never looked up.

His thoughts drifted back to 1962. He had been so smug as her mother was escorted out. He was the King! Filled with pride. He did what was right. It would have been much less risky for him not to read the works written on that card. The words that made Inez Stubbs the winner of the pageant. The announcement which would integrate the show. But it was what he wanted and it made him a hero. As he had watched around him, everyone seemed happy. Even the girl standing at the bus stop right now. She seemed to gravitate to one of the colored boys who showed her the moves of his dance and lifted her high. Only later would he learn that there were unintended consequences to every good deed. Sometimes they weren't as good as the deed. In fact, sometimes they were horrible.

Guilt overcame him as his mind burst with his own laughter. He remembered joking with his brothers about the way Velma died. Fitting end to the stuck-up broad. Smashed by a semi truck as she ran out into traffic, in only her slip. So she snapped, Ha-ha-ha, her own evil drove her to it, Ha-ha-ha. He winced at his own unbelievable cruelty in the situation. Would he go to the closed-casket funeral? Of course, he had said, free eats for all. He would go with Maybelle's family and make a grand entrance as the winner in the situation. After all, he was the King of the World.

He had dressed in a new black suit. Pin stripped and he looked GOOD. When he walked through the door of the funeral home, the people flocked around him. He chatted with all of them. All except one. Amber sat in the corner. Some tried to speak to her, to convey their condolences, but she was silent and never looked up. Ha! What a snot, he thought. Didn't she understand that everyone came for her? Couldn't she get out of her selfishness long enough to greet these people who gave up their time to be there for her?

Now he knew. She wasn't being rude, she wasn't being at all. She was already gone and he caused it. If he had only walked up to her, if he had just said something he would feel better now. But there was no feeling better, no turning back time. Even the tiny things he did, sending her a flower and watching her get on that bus, could never make up for what he had done. Every day he came to apologize. Every day he lost his nerve. Gone were the days that he was Corny Collins, and gone with them was the confidence to strut up to anyone and tell them what he wanted to say. Especially now, seeing her. Seeing what he had made her, a shadow of her former self.

The smell of diesel fuel and the roar of the bus broke into his thoughts. She filed on and drove away. Another day had gone by and he still couldn't bring himself to talk to her. He sighed. Well at least he could go see Elsie and thank her again for the warm room that he and Fil shared. Now instead of shivering under a tarp, they had a place to lay their heads. They were warm, but he would never be comfortable. Too many memories drifted through when he closed his eyes. The pain of being shot in the back, the friends he lost, the horrors of war, but mostly the girl he called mouse. He personally shattered the pretty blonde. That he could not get over.


	9. Chapter 9

_Here ya go, LC. It's not quite what you wanted but I promise tomorrow.  
And thanks to all the R&Rs especially those I can't write back to._

Elsie was putting on her coat when Ace arrived. She really loved seeing him. Both he and Fil had wiggled their way into her heart. She wanted to see them happy and the shelter was good for them. Fil had begun training to refinish wicker furniture. He was proud of his accomplishments and dreamed of getting a little shop to work out of. There were many avenues that he could take as a disabled vet to start his own business. Regina, the girl he was seeing, was encouraging as well. She squirreled away tips from her waitress job and hoped to help out with the things he needed. Fil was doing fine. Elsie was surprisingly not so encouraged by Ace. She thought he would be the one to pull himself up by the bootstraps. But his attitude, while gregariously happy on the outside, was still low. Elsie puzzled over the man. There was something about him. Something familiar. Something she had found out.

"Hey, My Man!" Elsie said as she hugged him, "How are you tonight? Staying warm?"

"Always, my dear," he replied as he kissed her cheek, "My glowing personality keeps me that way. And how about you? Heading home to Elliot? He's such a lucky man to have you!"

"Oh you Sweet Talkin' Man! Come on over here, I have some news for you." She grabbed his hand and found an open seat. "Now I've been looking through the jobs being offered to the vets. I have one that might just interest you." She pulled a paper out of her purse with a bit of apprehension. This step might alienate her. He may never come back. But somehow Elsie had to take the chance. He had to take the chance. Maybe this would do it.

"Ace, have you ever worked a cash register?" she smiled and continued without an answer, "Because I have a golden opportunity for you. There is a shop that is willing to take on a vet for employment. Now you don't seem like the kind of person who would have a problem with people like me, right?"

He smiled at her, "You mean sweet as Chess Pie?" he said as he kissed her hand.

She grinned, "Honey, sweet is not what I'm talking about. Some of you would be running for the hills rather than hanging out on North Avenue. Now listen, it's run by a good woman but her daughter-in-law is about to have her third baby. She is going to need some time. This is going to be a temp to permanent position. The girl herself wants to stay home with her babies and…"

His eyes opened wide as he realized the location, "Um, I'm not really sure that it's for me, Elsie. It might not be right for…"

"Now I think this would be perfect for you. It won't be hard. Not too much to do except ring up customers and socialize. Everyone there would be glad to have the help. You seem like the kind of person who can learn quickly." She saw the apprehension in his face and began to scramble for a way to convince him. "It will be fun. People there are patient and kind. They need the help and you need the work. Besides with your musical background, you would fit right in. They would love….."

"Musical background? What do you mean?" His smile disappeared.

Elsie realized her mistake. Her mouth dropped open and it took her a second to recover her thoughts.

"Listen Elsie, thanks so much for the offer, I know you're looking out for me and I really appreciate it" he smiled uncomfortably and released her hand.

She knew she had slipped. She would lose him if she didn't say something fast, "She wants you there, you know. They all do. Maybelle wants you to see her kids, her grandkids…."

His head hung as he stood to go. She stood with him

"Please," She begged as she touched his arm, "I've always been there for you. I've done everything you've asked of me. Won't you sit back down? Please, just hear what I have to say?"

He stopped for a moment. "Please…" she whispered.

"How did you know? How did you find out?" He asked without looking up.

"It was her. Amber. She came in one day as I walked out. Behind the glasses and under the hair, her eyes are the same." Elsie smiled delicately, "You always seemed so familiar to me, but then I saw her it just connected. Her eyes and your smile. I thought long and hard after seeing her. I still wasn't sure but it all seemed to come together."

"You see, my kids used to dance when that show came on. Some people I knew would only watch on Negro Day, but as soon as the theme would start, my kids would begin to jump and dance, so we watched it all the time. You were there, right in my living room. I've known you all along."

"No you haven't Elsie," he replied, "I'm not the same person I was then…"

"None of us are. Back then, I was a night nurse and the mother of three children. Now I work here and I'm the mother of two. But some things never change. What's in here." She touched her chest, "It never changes. Our ability to love and be loved. That never changes."

He looked at her with blank eyes. "All of that is gone now. What I was is all but forgotten."

"You can think that, but my people will never forget. You made us something when we were nothing. What you did for us in this city will never be lost."

He still wouldn't meet her eyes as she continued. "I have to tell you, I wasn't positive about it. My curiosity got the best of me. That shop is not too far from where I live. Well actually, it's not too far from where any of my people live." She laughed and she was relieved to see a small smile from him in return, "I stopped in there and looked at the pictures on the wall. There are photos of all the kids. A group picture and very one of the council. And you, a big professional one…."

He grinned. He thought back to the ongoing battle he had with Maybelle about that picture. He hated to see his glossy hung on the wall. She loved it. If he wasn't in the shop for a while, she would hang it up. When he came back, he would pull it down and hand it to Penny, complaining how stubborn her mother-in-law could be…

His face shot up, "Elsie, did you say the girl is having her third baby?" he interrupted. He only knew of one.

Elsie saw a glimmer of hope. "Yes! Such a nice girl too. Penny is it?"

He nodded.

"Her kids were there with her. Her baby boy is just so cute. He wanted me to hold him when I asked about the pictures. His momma pointed out every person on the wall. Her sister-in-law with her pageant crown, her husband, such a fine young man. And of course, you. You alone, you with the mixed council and you with the white kids. She told me all the names. Each and every one. Even Amber. Right next to you in that shot."

His eyes glazed over, "She was so pretty then. She was such a brat but man she could turn heads. She knew it too and…." He suddenly grabbed her arm, "You didn't tell her Elsie, did you? About Amber?"

"No, I wanted to talk to you first," She saw the relief on his face. "She certainly has changed from those pictures. Do you know what happened to her?"

"Yes, I know." He whispered, "I did it to her."

Elsie leaned back and her voice lowered, "What did you do Ace?" she asked apprehensively. Elsie had been surprised at the condition of the skinny girl compared to those photos. Something big happened to bring her this far down. What was this man capable of?

"I took her dreams. I murdered her mother and I killed her future." He replied as he put his head into his hands.

Elsie knew the story of the mother. Long before Penny told her, she knew what happened to Velma Von Tussle. Everyone did. It was the biggest story in all of Baltimore. This man had nothing to do with it.

She put her hand on his shoulder, "No you didn't. No one causes another person to do what that woman did. No one is responsible."

"You don't understand what it meant to Velma and what being on that show meant to Amber. I was terrible to her. It was good for me, and for people like you, but she'll never be the same. You can't know how sorry I am." He moaned.

"Look at me." His eyes slowly moved to meet hers. "It doesn't matter if I know or anyone knows how sorry you are. Only her. You need to talk to her. To tell her."

"I can't." and he bolted out the door. Elsie sighed. She wasn't sure she would ever see him again.


	10. Chapter 10

9

9

End of the first quarter reconciliation always fell at the same time as the tax season was in full swing. Overtime gave Amber more money, but it also brought time that she had to spend with other people. Most years it didn't bother her. She would work hard at a corner desk until the girls chose a time to finish for the night. She caught a later bus home but it was alright. That is until this year. With this year came Renaldo Bloom.

He smiled at her and winked. No matter how many times she turned down his invitations to lunch or ignored his advances, he was always there. Circling. Like a hawk. He spoke to her, even though she never spoke back. It seemed his biggest joy in life was making her jump. He worked to startle her every day. He laughed long and hard about it. Sometimes she would shake for a while after and he enjoyed that too. He would come back to view her shaking fingers work the adding machine.

"I still got it!" he would laugh.

She ignored him but inside she was screaming. Screaming for him to leave her alone. She wished she could do that, but instead she ran out the door at the end of her shift, avoiding his glance. That worked. It worked until this week and the big reconciliation. Until they would stay later and security would stay with them. She would have to walk out the door at the same time as this man. Perhaps to the same bus. To the same stop. With no place to hide. It made her shiver. She would be forced to wait with him for the late bus to come. She thought about the situation and formulated a plan. As soon as the overtime work started, she would slip into her coat. When it ended, she would grab her purse and be out the door. It wasn't too far to the next bus stop and if she hurried no one would see where she went. Not even a clue. She pulled out the bus schedules, pleased with her decision. She would be safe at the next stop. She would be fine.

o0o

The hour got later and later. The other girls laughed and joked as her fingers flew on that adding machine. She made entries in the ledger and tried not to look up. When she did, Renaldo was there smiling. Smiling at her.

Carolyn came by her desk and viewed her work. "Oh Amber, you're almost finished! Good girl. If those figures reconcile, I think we're done for the night. Let me tell the other girls."

Amber kicked into high gear. If this tape matched the other and balanced with the ledger, she could hand them all to her boss and be out the door. Before anyone, before him. She spied the last of the numbers. Same as the first, same as the ledger. She slipped her purse over her arm, pulled this tape with the other and grabbed the book.

"This is all correct." She whispered to Carolyn as she handed it to her, "May I go now?"

Carolyn looked at the three figures then back to Amber. "Looks good! Go ahead." She smiled.

Amber bolted as she heard Carolyn announce that everything balanced. She never looked back as she made it out the door and began to run.

Although the street was familiar, this part of it was not. If it had been earlier in the evening, the bus would have stopped at three or four places past where she ran. After seven, the schedule changed. The first stop at this time of night was well out of the business district. Nearly ten blocks from her normal stop. But that didn't matter right now. What mattered was getting away from him. She looked for cars as she crossed the side streets but there were none. The farther away she got, the more relief she felt. Finally she saw the green enclosure ahead and knew that she made it. She smiled as she sat down and leaned to focus up the street. Not a soul could be seen through the darkness. She had done it.

She glanced at her watch. The bus would arrive in ten minutes. With all good luck, they were filing out of the bank at this very moment. She smiled as she took her coin purse out and grabbed a quarter. She was lost in her own thoughts and didn't hear the young men come up behind her.

"Can you spare a dime, Miss?" the first peered around the side. She jumped and her coins spilled onto the ground at her feet. "Oh I'm sorry!" he said as he smiled at the next tall teen to sit down next to her, "Are you all alone here?"

Amber looked around then bent to pick up her change. She snatched as many as she could before another boy stood next to her. "So whatcha doing here by yourself Lady? You waiting for the bus?" He winked at his friends, "Ya know we got a car right over there. We can take you anywhere you want."

She felt fear begin to build and didn't answer. A hand grasped her arm and pulled her up. "Come on, we'll show you." The first teen gripped her wrist and jerked her forward. She yanked back and a scream escaped her before she felt a slap across her cheek. She was stunned.

"Quiet and you don't get hurt." She heard as a hand covered her mouth. He began to move her away from the bus stop. Away and into the shadows. Amber knew what was coming. When they picked her up still holding her arms, her body went limp. Fighting only hurt more. She had been though this so many times back in that institution; she knew how to escape if only in her mind. They would be done soon enough and she could go home. She relaxed as much as she could as they laid her down and closed her eyes as she felt the hands under her skirt. His weight pressed against her as she felt her knees being lifted. A tear ran down from her eye.

"Bastard…NO!"

She heard it. Someone spoke and suddenly the weight was gone. Her mind tried to fathom what that sound was. She opened her eyes. It was a man. A man saying, "Go! Get going, GO!"

She squinted as she sat up and saw those three teens. One was on the ground holding his head, one was on the back of another figure and the third was throwing punches and kicking. She scrambled up but she couldn't see. She felt around for her glasses but they were no where within reach. She began to crawl, feeling all the way. Her hand touched them as the words hit her ears.

"Damnit Amber, MOVE!"

The vertigo that followed was almost overwhelming. How many times had he said that? When she pushed in front of him, when she stood her ground on his mark, smiling for the camera. A million times. And in just the same way. Never a sweet "excuse me" but with force. A force that was meant to motivate her. To get her out of the way, only now it was for her. For her to get away.

Her brain swirled. She watched those young men throw him on the ground and begin to kick. Anger swelled up inside her. Anger like she hadn't felt in years. She looked down and grabbed the thing nearest her hand, a half of a brick. A noise escaped her as she rushed them. She wasn't sure how long it took or how many times she hit and kicked each one, but she heard "crazy bitch!" as they picked up their friend and ran down the street. She looked at her hand and blood dripped from that brick. She dropped it and sat down.

He laughed. That's what she heard as she crawled to him and stared down into his eyes. They were still just as blue and she pondered how they could shine in the light of the dull streetlamp. "You are amazing." He said though the blood that ran from his nose, "I didn't think you had it in you!"

"Corny." Her hand drifted to his cheek. "You can't be here. I can feel you but you can't be here…"

He winced as he brought his hand up to her hair. "You need to go. It's not safe for you here. There's your bus Amber. Get on it and go."

She looked down the street and saw the lights in the distance coming at them. "I can't leave you. I won't go without you."

"You have to. There's your money, go."

She looked by the bus stop and there was here purse and the coins scattered about. She scrambled to pick them up and came back to him. He was up on his knees as she bent and scooted under his arm. "Amber, get on the bus." He said as he tried to pull away.

"You can't tell me what to do anymore." She said as she hoisted him with all her might and started waving and yelling for the driver.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Lovin' those R&Rs gang. Thanks so much! This is a pretty short chapter so I'm putting it up as a bonus.**_

He had felt pain before. The scar on his back was a tribute to what he could take as a human being. Being shot was a pain that ran through a body, with a bullet exploding as it hit any hard surface. His had been pretty clean. A different angle and he might not have been sitting here right now. This kind of pain was superficial. Cuts and bruises never got him down before and perhaps a busted rib or two would easily heal. On the battlefield, the first shot of Morphine led to the first taste of Heroin. And it was smooth. Dulled any pain a man could have. He thought about it now and how easy it would be to get off that bus and place a call. But somehow the realization of what he had done dulled this pain on its own, unlike the injury that led to his Purple Heart and shipped him back home. This pain had a purpose. That purpose sat in front of him.

He looked at her. He was closer than he had been in years as she cleaned him up the best she could. He wished he hadn't gotten that pint to work up the nerve to talk to her. Elsie's words haunted him all that night and into the next day. He knew she was right. Neither of them could go on with their lives until he spoke to her. Until he told her how sorry he was for what he had done. Maybe just a sip or two would help him out. When the bank employees stayed later, that sip became the whole bottle. While waiting for her to come out, it was gone before he knew it. Had he avoided that drink, he could have taken those guys and been her hero.

"I'm sorry Amber." He whispered as she touched the swollen cut on his forehead. "You could have left me there."

"No I couldn't. Just forget about it." She said as she turned the handkerchief, licked it again and wiped. "Let me do this before you're gone."

He gave her a strange look, "What do you mean, 'gone'?"

"You're going to disappear, Corny. I'm going to close my eyes and you're going to vanish. I don't know how you got here, or how long you'll last, but let me help you while you're still real." She was deadly serious.

He took her hand and cocked his head, "I'm always real." He said staring into her eyes.

She stared back, "If you say so. None of you are here long. I just have to do this then," she replied. She pushed her broken glasses up once more then removed them with an annoyed look. She turned his chin and concentrated on her First Aid.

His eyes fought to see her face as she turned him away. She was still just as beautiful, even unkempt and unadorned. He had seen her like this only once, years ago. It was at LuAnne's Pool Party. The girls sat in big hats, large glasses and bathing suits, sunning themselves and chatting. Not a single one would touch that water to ruin their perfect make-up and hair. But the boys had a different idea. One boy behind each chase lounge, a quick countdown and SPLASH! Every girl ended up in the pool. Oh, there were screams and gnashing of teeth. Vicky and Tammy even chased down Brad, fingernails flying, but all in all, it gave the girls an excuse to swim and enjoy themselves. After the mascara and lipstick was wiped off, they turned into kids and began to splash like teenagers.

Amber had arrived at that party directly after her trip to Europe. The stated idea of that trip was to study art at the Louvre, but everyone knew it was actually a buying spree. Velma and Amber picked up the latest fashions and always looked for an opportunity to show them off. This was one of them. She walked by him, wrapped in a short bathing cover-up and he didn't give her a second glance. However, when it fell to her ankles, every head turned. He had only seen a bikini in pictures of Brigitte Bardot. Yet, there she stood in an orange one. It was ORANGE for Pete's sake. Amongst the pinks and blues of the other bathing suits, hers positively screamed "look at me". And he did. Everyone did. She adjusted her hat and sat down, giving them all a needed break. However, after she landed in the pool, sitting was no longer an option. She caught his attention standing in line for the diving board. As she walked to the end, she hesitated for a moment, scanning to see who watched her. He watched her. Lord knows, he couldn't help it. He felt flushed as she jumped in and swam to the side, popping up directly in front of him. Head tilted back and eyes closed coming out of the water, she made her way up the ladder to get in line again. His eyes followed until she walked by Link, who stared back at him.

"That's quite a suit your girl's got, Man!" he laughed hiding his hormones.

Link laughed but continued to stare at him, "Yeah, glad she's mine."

He said his goodbyes not long after but he couldn't shake the picture in his mind. Of her face breaking the surface of the water followed by her orange bikini. It stayed with him, though he pushed it away. Many a time he saw her, even with the girls he bought in Saigon, his mind would drift back to that day by the pool. Without a stitch of make-up, hair hanging in strings around her face, she was the most sensuous sight he had ever seen. He squeezed his eyes shut as she turned his face back to hers.

She saw his eyes, "Am I hurting you?"

"Not at all." He replied.

She looked around as she stuffed her hankie back in her purse. "My stop is coming up soon. I, uh……I think, um…."

"What?" he asked as she stammered.

"Where is your stop?" she asked without looking up. "Where are you going?"

He closed his eyes and leaned back, "I think I'm going to just sleep here a while."

She looked at his head. Cut or concussion, he couldn't stay there. She picked up her glasses and pulled him to his feet, "No." was all she said as she lifted him. Down the aisle, out the door, she hesitated a second by the building.

"Moon! Kitty, kitty, kitty!" she cried out.

A large white cat ran up and weaved between her legs.

"You lead the way today." She said to the cat as she opened the front door.


	12. Chapter 12

_This is where we find out how far gone our little Amber is.  
Thanks again for the R&Rs!_

11

There wasn't much inside the efficiency apartment. An old sofa, miss matched tables, a lamp and a bed. Moon jumped up on the coffee table as she gently lowered him down. The cat cried with a throaty meow and jumped to rub against him. Amber said nothing as she made her way to the kitchenette. She opened a canister and poured some of the contents into a bowl. The cat ran to her as she put the bowl on the floor.

She didn't look at him as she walked to the bathroom. He spied around the room. She had nothing. His place at the shelter held more possessions than this room. Four dresses hung from a wire attached to the ceiling. Underwear folded on the bedside table. Mail scattered where Moon had jumped up, but basically nothing to speak of. The place was as plain as she was. He moved to straighten the papers the cat had displaced and felt a crushing pain in his side. As he gasped, he realized he couldn't pull in all the air he needed. He unbuttoned his shirt and spied his side. One, maybe two ribs broken. His fingers ran across the purple swelling bruise. Ah well, it could have been worse. He pushed to feel for bone and winced.

She plopped down next to him and there were tears in her eyes as she saw where his hand rested, but looked to the bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide she deposited on the table. She began to clean the cut on his head.

"There's some bread and Peanut Butter in the cabinet." She said as she tipped the bottle onto a wad of toilet paper and pressed it onto the cut on his head. "There are towels in the basket by the bathtub." She snatched a band-aid and pulled the paper. "This is going to have to do right now, but you need to be seen by a doctor. That doesn't look good. Maybe stitches. When the swelling comes down, it's pretty deep"

He put his hand on hers as she placed the third bandage on his head, "Did they hurt you? Are you okay?" He tried to look into her eyes but she looked down.

"I'm fine." Her glance drifted to his chest. Her hand reached out to brush the bruise as the first tear fell. "I'm sorry. I'm really so…" she whispered.

"Oh God Amber, you have nothing to be sorry about." He interrupted, "Nothing."

She looked at his eyes as he reached up and brushed away the tear. For the first time, she didn't look away. "I'm not sure why you're here. Why you haven't gone yet. Why I haven't woken up."

He realized what she was saying. She had seen him, all the council, in her dreams. At night, she still dreamed of being back at the studio. Of her life before. He took her hands and put them on his cheeks. "You are awake. I'm here, right here. Right now."

She shook her head and for the first time, she smiled, "No I'm not. But it's okay. All of you say that. You can stay as long as you like. Vicky was here for a whole week one time. She even brought me my old contact lenses, but I couldn't find them later on. You know how much she can see without her glasses! I'm still not sure how she ever found her marks. She probably took them back with her. That's alright. It was like a pj party every night. For a whole week" she looked down, "then she was gone too."

Her eyes snapped back up, "But you can stay a while. You're not quite how I remembered you though. And Corny, I hate to say this, but this look doesn't fit you at all."

He snorted and laughed. A glimmer of Amber Von Tussle came through with those words.

"And when you leave, I'll understand. I know who I am but I appreciate the time you've been here and everything you've done. I really do." She looked down again, "Truly."

He knew now the extent of her pain. Her friends were in her mind and they came to visit while she slept. He wanted so badly to just take her into his arms and tell her how real he was, but he wasn't sure of her reaction. Instead he smiled.

"Well that's awfully nice of you. Did you say there's Peanut Butter?" he asked apprehensively.

"Yes! I can make us sandwiches. I'm not sure I have two plates. Do you mind having a bowl?" He shook his head and smiled, "Okay. Why don't you get cleaned up? And you know Corny, that blood will probably set if it isn't washed soon. There's a blue robe hanging behind the door. If you toss those clothes out, I'll take them up to the laundry on the third floor. Why don't those sandwiches wait until I get back?" She positively beamed.

"Oh that would be great. There's some change in my pocket for the washer…"

"No, no, no. While you're here, you're my guest. That's how it works." She stood and got a cup, "Put the things from your pockets here while I see what else can make a load."

He emptied his pockets and headed off to the bathroom as she picked up a laundry bag from near her bed. He stripped off the bloody clothes and threw them out the door. "I'll be back!" he heard her chime and the front door slammed shut. He looked at himself in the mirror for the first time. The bruise on his forehead was blending with the one on his cheek. He tried to lift his arm to look at his side, but it was too painful. He leaned on the sink, turned on the faucets then spied a safety razor on the tub. He had been shaving with a pair of scissors for so long, he was sure he would tear up this face, but the opportunity arose so he took it. Soaping up his whiskers as much as he could with the Castile Shampoo from the tub, he dragged the razor across his jawline. Hmm, must have been a new blade. It went well with only one nick. He looked down at the bottle and poured some into his hand, stuck his head under the running water and foamed up his hair. It was painful to bend that far, but he grimaced to rinse it out, grabbing a towel from the basket. This wouldn't be the first sink bath he had, but the idea of getting in and out of that tub didn't match the pain that ran through his body. Finally, he grabbed the robe from the back of the door. It was just below his knees and closed neatly. It must go around her twice, he thought as he tied the belt. His own reflection startled him as he ran her comb through his hair.

"Man, where have you been?" he smiled at his clean shaven face and wet slicked back hair.

He turned to open the door. "Amber, I hope you don't mind but I used…."

He heard the dishes smash onto the floor. She stood staring at him with her mouth open, sandwiches and shards of stoneware scattered at her feet.

"Corny. It IS you." Her arms reached out to him. "Please…" Her eyes begged, "Don't leave me behind like the others did. Make it like it was before. I want to….."

Her eyes rolled back into her head and he caught her just before she hit the floor. He struggled to pick her up and put her onto the sofa. "Never Baby. I'll never leave you again." He said as he kissed her head.


	13. Chapter 13

12

Her eyes opened while it was still dark. She reached for her pillow but realized it wasn't there, she wasn't in her bed. Dark and fuzzy, she couldn't see at all. She patted around in search of her glasses. Then felt warm terrycloth between herself and the coffee table along with soft breathing. She felt again and Moon began to purr when her hand brushed his fur next to her.

She scooted up and reached for the lamp chain. There were her glasses resting nearby. As she put them on, the events of the night before became as clear as the crack in the lens. She looked down. There he was. Her robe, his body, head on the towels from the bathroom. Why was he on her floor? She reached out, and her hand did not go through him. That was unusual. Everyone else was opaque and ghostlike when they visited her dreams. She pulled back and stared until she caught sight of the bandages she had placed on his head.

"Oh!" she cried suddenly.

He awoke with a start. Moon jumped with him and ran off, "What!" He exclaimed as he saw her cowering in the corner of the couch. "Oh God, Ow!" he said and his head fell back onto the pile of towels. He moaned.

She didn't know what to do. "Can I help you up? You really shouldn't be sleeping on the floor."

"Yeah, I know. I'm not really comfortable with taking your bed while you sleep on a couch. That's rude." He sighed, "Just give me a minute and I'll get up."

She sat quietly thinking. This time is different. This man is real.

His hands came up and tried to get some momentum. He fell back down. "Amber this isn't going to work. Move this table for me."

She got up quickly and pulled the table aside. He rolled onto all fours and grunted. Dry heaves overtook him as he grabbed for the towels. She ran for a glass of water as he rested back on his ankles. "Here, try this." She said kneeling to bring the glass to his lips. He took a few small sips.

"I need to get somewhere. I'm not sure how bad this is." He never opened his eyes.

"Okay Corny, it was nice seeing you." She smiled, sinking with disappointment as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

He turned to her, "Amber, you have to get me there."

She backed away, "I can't"

"You have to or I'm going to die. Right here on your floor."

Her eyes grew wide and he smiled, "Seriously, I have no clue where I am. I couldn't even begin to find a bus."

"I have to go to work." She stammered.

"No you don't, it's Saturday. The bank's closed." He replied.

Her brows furrowed, "How do you know I work at a bank?"

"I know lots of things. What I don't know is what time it is. Where's a clock?" He didn't want to explain any of it now. Right now he wanted to get down to the clinic. The vet hospital was too far away and it would do. Maybe Elsie would be there and could get Fil or Regina to fetch him home.

She walked over to her bedside table, "It's 7:15. I can give you the bus schedule for the one that you need. Let me get those for you." She said opening the drawer and pulling out the papers.

"You have GOT to be kidding me," he said as he cocked his head, "I got busted up for YOU and now you're just gonna shove me out the door? Wow, you're still a selfish bitch aren't you?"

She tossed her head, "I didn't ask you to do anything, Corny Collins. You did that all on your own. I never…." Her voice trailed off. Where did that come from? Why was she saying that? She covered her mouth and looked down. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's come over me. Of course, I'll get you anywhere you need. Let me get your clothes." She grabbed some change and headed out the door.

He shook his head. "She's there." He thought with amusement. "Inside that mouse is Amber Von Tussle just waiting to get out."

o0o

She seemed to hide in the laundry room forever. She arrived back silently and handed him his folded clothes. She took a turn in the bathroom and came out with glasses taped at the temple but with lenses that were whole. The frames were thinner and lighter. He could actually see her eyes.

"I like those better, you should get them fixed." He announced as she picked up her purse.

"Come on. Let's go." She said without looking up, "Moon! Kitty, kitty." The cat led the way down the hall to the front door.

"Where can I get you to?" she asked as they stepped out. Then she gasped seeing him in the sunlight. The bruising had spread to half his face, "Good Lord!" her hand went up to his cheek, "You look awful."

"Yeah, thanks." He said as he looked around, "I have to get down to Loch Raven, um that's Loch Raven VA Outpatient Clinic, do you know where that is?"

"No." she still stared at him.

"Not far from your work. Someone there can help…come here and let me just lean on you a minute. I'm having a bit of problems breathing."

She got under his arm but didn't ask again about the bank. She tried not to think about what he said or her reaction to him. She wasn't sure what happened but she didn't want it to happen again.


	14. Chapter 14

_Thanks for the R&Rs! I might be busy this weekend and I didn't want to forget to put one up._

13

The clinic opened at 8:00. Elsie arrived for her shift. She yawned and flipped through the charts. This was going to be another uneventful day. Guys walking in for their treatments, a cold here and a sore throat there. She could socialize the day away and go home to iron her dress for church tomorrow. Sometimes she didn't mind the Saturdays, sometimes they were tremendously inconvenient. Without the kids coming over tomorrow, she could take The Lord's Day to relax and catch up on some reading. This one wouldn't be too bad. Not at all. She smiled as she unlocked the door and greeted the first of the patients walking in. Then made her way over to the counter and began chatting with the vets signing in. She hardly noticed when they appeared in the doorway.

"Elsie!" he called with as much breath as he could get.

She looked over to see Ace supported by the small blonde. She ran to them. Had he not been in such bad shape, she would have been overjoyed to see them together, but her concern overcame any happiness she momentarily felt.

"Lord Jesus in Heaven!! What happened to you?" she cried, "Let me take him, Amber." She turned to the nurse at the desk. "Triage him Agnes and get me a chair."

One of the vets grabbed a wheel chair and brought it over. "Elsie, can you call Fil for me? Have him come down?" Corny said.

Elsie immediately picked up the phone and dialed. She looked over the receiver at Amber. "Sit down girl, I need to talk to you….Yes, Sergeant McRoy? This is Elsie Jackson over at the VA clinic, I need to talk to Filbert, there's been an emergency……"

Amber sat down. She was sure that she was imagining all of this. The woman called her by her name. Amber was sure she was getting confused. She studied her hands as Elsie spoke and a man wheeled Corny away. There was just too much going on. None of this could be real, yet there were smells, sounds and sights she never experienced before. She looked around. A quick flurry of activity began as they walked in, now people were talking and finding seats as if nothing had gone on. She wanted to go home. Hide from the world and forget about this, but the tone of the lady's voice stuck her to that chair. She picked up a magazine and flipped through. No one paid a bit of attention to her. She started to relax.

Elsie came back out and searched for his chart. She scanned the room, the girl was still there. She scribbled a few notes and made her way over.

"Honey are you okay?" she said as she squatted down next to her.

Amber was startled. She looked up into the dark, kind face. "Yes, I'm fine."

Elsie knew to take things slowly. She understood from her studies that people like this could bolt or snap while in the middle of this much emotion, but she wanted to find out the story. Ace was first in to the doctor and his medical condition was far more important than his emotional one. The story would come from her.

"Can I get you anything?" Elsie asked, slipping into the chair next to hers.

Amber didn't look up, "No thank you. Really. I'm fine."

"Would you be so kind as to tell me what happened to him?" Elsie cajoled.

She sighed. "There were three of them. Young men, late teen or early twenties. They did it. It was horrible." A tear splashed onto her skirt. Elsie put a hand on her arm.

"Did you see them? Could you describe them?" she wondered how Amber fit into this mix but didn't prod.

"I saw them. They were kicking and punching. Over and over." She sniffed and searched her purse. Only the bloody handkerchief was there. She brought it out and shock began to set in.

Elsie pulled her own from her pocket, "Here…" she said, extracting the bloody one from Amber's hand. "use this." She stuffed the stained hanky away and out of her sight.

"Did you call the Police?" she asked, trying to distract the girl and bring her attention back.

Amber pulled her glasses off, wiped her eyes and hiccupped. "No. We had to get away. They could have come back and the bus came so we left." she turned to Elsie's kind face. "I didn't think it was real. But it is, isn't it?"

"It is Amber, it's real." She muttered without a thought.

The hanky dropped to the floor, "How do you know my name?"

The buzzer on the door sounded and Fil flew in as fast as he could swing on those crutches. The Salvation Army Sergeant quickly followed. His eyes scanned the room with great concern. He spotted Elsie and made his way over.

"What happened?" he bellowed, "Where is he?"

Elsie stood "He's being attended to. He's going to be okay. You take my seat."

Fil moved the crutches to the side, hoped to position and plopped down. "Elsie what happened? I haven't seen him all night. Was he on the streets?"

"I'm not sure Fil. We'll find out in good time. Let me go tell him you're here." She gave him a quick hug and hustled off.

Puzzle pieces were snapping into Amber's brain but none of them connecting. She knew the voice next to her. She knew the one legged vet. She hadn't seen him in a while. He hadn't been there for a bit and Stash told her of his good fortune in the shelter. She missed him, but continued to come for her weekly hot dog with Stash and the silent vet behind him. Fil and Stash and hot dogs and the silent vet. In the clothes that she washed last night. They called him Ace and he never looked up. Because if he had looked up, she would have seen his eyes. Those eyes. The ones that would give him away. Ace's face held Corny's eyes. Her hand flew up to her mouth and she gasped.

Fil looked over, "Mouse! What the hell are you doing here?"

The Ambulance screamed to a stop by the curb as she ran out the door.


	15. Chapter 15

_R&Rs much appreciated!!_

14

She walked. Circling the clinic, hiding in the nooks until she saw him being loaded up and taken away. Fil and the Sergeant followed in the Salvation Army van. Elsie watched them go then went back inside. Not long after, the bus came and she headed home. There was no reason why she should still be crying, but she was. Her sleeve was soaked with tears and people watched her, but that that moment she couldn't care at all. She couldn't understand what happened and she tried not to think about it. But his eyes came back and his smile came back no matter how many times she pushed it away. And with those memories, she was awash in warmth. She sighed.

Monday came too soon. It was just another day and she had to go to work. All she wanted to do was lay in bed, but duty called. She thought of calling Carolyn and spending the day under the covers as she had done yesterday and the day before. However, she knew that eventually she would have to go back to work. Might as well be today. She stepped lightly over the blue robe on the floor. If she hung it back up, it would be how it was before he was there. Crumpled on the floor, it reminded her of what happened. And made it real.

The bus ride was uneventful, the people moved in throngs. Just one giant mass that she flowed with. She walked into the bank and spied Renaldo in the corner. He didn't seem to see her and she was relieved. As she walked to her desk something was missing. She looked around but it was no where to be found. Brownish red petals were scattered below the sickly stem. Her heart sank. Everything changes, nothing stays the same. Whoever brought her those roses forgot her today. Maybe tomorrow or maybe never again. She quietly picked up the petals and put them in her purse. The stem and cup deposited in the trash, she began her day. The numbers overtook her thoughts for a while as she worked the adding machine.

o0o

There was so much to do, and the pain was very inconvenient. A couple broken ribs, tons of cuts and bruises but all in all the Marine defensive training kicked in when he needed it. Fil had joked that the boys were lucky he had been drunk. Flat on the sidewalk, the lot of them. Boo-yah! Semper Fi! Ace would have kicked them a new butt crack if he had his wits. It was over now. And the billions of questions about the little mouse were all explained, well most of them. He told Fil he had known her, but didn't say how. It was easy to avoid with someone from Kansas City. Fil had never seen The Corny Collins Show.

Elsie was different. She arrived at the hospital after her shift. She didn't ask him directly but he gushed all the same. He told her how much their talk had impacted him and all the events of Friday night. She smiled and hugged him.

And he felt differently about the whole situation. He needed a job, he was ready to go back into the world. Living on the proceeds of his past life was fading fast, the money he saved from the sale of his house was running out. He was sure that Amber would be okay, the next time he saw her, she would be back to her old self. He was ready to go there too. Back to his old self. Back home.

He told Elsie of his plans and on Sunday before he was released from the Hospital, she arrived with a bundle in her hand. She had gone through the donated clothing at her church. She handed him a pair of dress pants and a button down shirt. He hugged her delicately and kissed her cheek. She beamed.

Monday morning, Fil helped him into those clothes and wished him the best as he got on the bus for North Avenue. The old theme song ran through his head as he opened the door to Motormouth Maybelle's Record Shop.

It looked the same. Not a thing had changed. Well maybe the boys running around. Skin the color of coffee and cream and the green eyes of their mother. He smiled as the first ran past. The second boy stopped.

"Can I help you, Mister?" he said with a quizzical look.

Corny looked down and smiled. He wasn't a baby anymore. The last time he saw this child, he was toddling. "I've come to see your mother, AJ."

AJ's eyebrows flew up. "Do I know you?"

"You sure do, Honey!" Penny made her way over to him and threw her arms around his neck, "but the last time you saw him, you too little to remember. Corny, it's so good to see you!"

"Penny! You've blossomed!" he said putting a hand on her protruding belly, "How are you?"

"Oh just fine. Tired but fine." She looked at her oldest son, "Go upstairs and get Grandma. Don't tell her anyone is here, just say Mommy needs her, okay?"

The boy ran off and before they knew it, Maybelle's voice could be heard, "For heavens' sake, I told your Momma to take it easy! I don't need a baby born in this shop! Lord knows, I'm no midwife and….."

She stopped in the doorway, mouth hanging open.

"Mrs. Stubbs, I seek employment here in your fine establishment." He flashed that killer grin.

He was nearly suffocated in her arms.

o0o

The day was ending as it began. Just another day. Amber organized the ledgers, the papers and covered her adding machine. She put her pencils back in the holder and sighed. Three days ago, this was all she needed. Work was her purpose. Now she looked around and something was missing. Yes, there was the rose but something else tugged at her heart. She closed her eyes and shook her head. She couldn't allow those feelings in. Those feelings that made her whole.

"AMBER!"

She jumped. She always jumped, just as he always giggled right after. Renaldo stood laughing at her. "Where were you Friday?" he said through his snorts, "I wanted to take you home."

She was aghast. She looked down and said nothing. He swaggered over and leaned on her desk, "I thought that we could have some dinner, maybe go back to your place. Have a little fun."

"Excuse me." She heard the voice as she backed away from Renaldo. "Amber, are you ready to go?"

Renaldo turned around as she looked up. The man stood in the doorway. Clean shaven with new clothes, Corny smiled at her. And held a red rose.


	16. Chapter 16

15

They walked down the street to the bus stop. No matter what he said or how many times he looked at her she just walked, with her eyes down. He had hoped to see a change in her, but all in all she wasn't different. Not in any way.

"Amber" he said as he touched her arm, "Aren't you going to talk to me?"

"No." she stated simply as she sat down in the enclosure.

"You're not?" he gave her a puzzled look, "Why not?"

"Just leave me alone."

"After what I've done?" he exclaimed, "Got beat to crap, bruised and busted? Now I leave you alone? What the hell?"

"Corny, leave me alone." She said as she dug the quarter out of her purse.

"I don't think so. Not after what I did. Not now. What do you mean leave you alone?" his voice was getting louder and people began to watch them.

"Hey Buddy, she said leave her alone" the man next to her said, looking up, "That means leave her alone."

"Shut up, Man! This is between her and me." He shook a finger at the guy and he turned away, but the others at the stop watched the pair.

"Amber talk to me." He took a step toward her. "I mean it."

Her face grew red and suddenly she stood up, "I saved you, remember? I'm the one who got you cleaned up and back to that clinic! Who do you think you are? And just who do you think you're talking to? You can't tell me what to do and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here for it." She sputtered, "And what were you doing with my rose?"

"That's it lady. You tell him." The vocal man whispered behind her back.

"YOUR rose?" he yelled back, "They're mine until they hit your desk. Understand this, Elsie may have delivered them and you may have gotten them, but I bought them! They're mine. Every one. You got it, Little Lady?"

The bus pulled up and broke into her thoughts. His. Every one. That's how that woman knew her name. She looked at him again horrified that she had yelled at him after all he HAD done.

"I'm so sorry I was rude. I have to go." She boarded the bus and drove away.

He stared after her. This wasn't right at all. She was supposed to smile and give him a hug. She was supposed to be so glad to see him. And when he confessed that he had asked Elsie to bring her those flowers, she would tilt her head and he would kiss her the way he dreamed he would. What was up with this now? He shook his head and headed toward the clinic. Elsie was waiting for news. He had much to tell.

Corny saw her as she flitted over. "Hey Man!" she said as she hugged him, "You look might fine!"

"Yeah, I clean up pretty well," he laughed as he sat back down.

"So and how did it go?"

"Oh Elsie, it was like heaven being back there! It was like home. Maybelle and everyone there." He beamed, "People I haven't seen in years! I start Monday. Penny is due in two weeks and she said that she'll stick around and help as long as she can. Oh it was good there! Really good."

They spoke for a bit about rooms for rent in the area and storefronts that Fil may be able to take advantage of in the future. Regina could ride the bus with her if those wedding plans ever materialize. Elsie could see that the man couldn't be happier.

"And what of that girl? Did you see Amber?" she asked.

He looked down. "She won't talk to me, Elsie."

"What?!"

"I'm serious." He shook his head, "I don't understand it."

He explained what happened at the bank then at the bus stop. Elsie's brain scanned her textbooks. What kind of case was this? What could they do?

"…and what's even stranger is that the only time she seems to become herself is when she's mad." He grinned at Elsie, "And trust me, I've seen her mad. Madder than she could ever get now! Whoa she could pack a wallop back in those days! People ran, things flew, she was like a tornado when she got angry! No one stuck around."

"Was she ever mad at you back then?" Elsie quizzed.

He threw his head back, laughing long and loud, "Always! We were known to have quite a few battles and I can't say I came out the winner. She had her mother backing her and got whatever she would want. I won in front of the cameras but she was the winner behind. I can't believe how silly some of those fights were. I remember one time…."

He told his stories and Elsie thought. Their relationship was based in a constant war. She wasn't used to seeing him as an ally. Maybe the thing to bring her around would be anger. That's the way she knew him, so it would only make sense that she could be who she was only in that situation. Elsie interrupted him.

"Ace, you know that she is lost in her own world, right?" she stated.

"Well yeah, but I thought that….." he began but Elsie put a hand up.

"She needs to see you how you were. Not how you are now. Back then, when she didn't get her way, you fought. That just how it was. Now coming to her as you are today, saving her, being nice to her, that's not the man she knew. You're another person coming into her present, not a person from the past."

"But I don't want to hurt her. Back then, it meant something. Now it doesn't matter." He pointed out.

"It does matter. It matters to her. She needs an avenue to ride back on. A familiar one. Unless you're Corny Collins, the person she knew, she'll stay right where she is."

He studied his hands, "She'll never talk to me again." He said softly.

"She isn't talking to you now!" Elsie cried, "Look, just think about it. Do nothing and she is gone. Do something and it's a chance you'll take. But at least you tried and you've done all you can."

She touched his arm, "But remember, if she chooses to stay the way she is, it's no longer your fault. You can't beat yourself up anymore. Got it?'

"I guess." He replied.

"And when your life gets going, if you forget your old friend Elsie Jackson, I'll hunt you down, Mister Man! We need to make that clear right from the get go."

"No way woman, you're stuck with me for a good long time!" he said as he caught her in his embrace.

"I'm going to hold you to that." She whispered as she smiled against his cheek.

He thought long and hard about what he was going to say to her as he walked back to the shelter. He could try being nice, but nice had not gotten him anywhere. Elsie had to be right. Something needed to break her out of this funk she had gotten herself into. Maybe he could do it, or maybe he couldn't but he sure had to try.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Enjoy!**_

16

Amber walked out of the bank on Friday feeling lower than she had in a while. The rose stuck out of her purse. She knew that this one would be the last and today she couldn't leave it behind. She would take it home and press it into a book. A tiny bit of memory that she would allow herself. No more singing Hot Dog vendors, no more one legged vets, no more shining eyes or sweet smiles and no more roses. No more.

She sat on the bus and stared aimlessly. Now the whole thing was over. She had made a statement with her inaction. She skipped that weekly hot dog. There was no reason to go there and tons of reasons why she should not. The biggest one being the man who saved her a week ago. She couldn't see him. She knew that he would talk to her, no longer as a pet but a person. The person she was so long ago. When he looked at her, he was seeing that person but she was no more. Amber knew it. She didn't want to hurt him when he realized it. If she allowed him to see her as she was, he would just be disappointed when he found out that girl was gone. Long gone.

The bus pulled up to her stop as she stared out the window. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door. Spring on the East Coast can be a funny thing. Last week it was cold and winter like. Today a warm wind blew on her cheek. She walked toward her building and yelled.

"Moon! Kitty, kitty, kitty!"

She stood for a second scanning up the street. The cat was no where to be seen.

"Moon! Come on!" she cried, "Kitty, kitty, kitty."

She looked both ways again. Where could he be? Maybe she would go get the canister of cat food. If she shook it, he might come out of hiding. She was about to go in when she spied the man walking toward her. Moon held tightly in his arms.

"Good Afternoon, young lady!" Corny said with a smile. "I would like to speak with you."

Her mouth hung open.

"Now why don't we head on inside and have a little chat." He grinned as he scratched the cat's ears.

"No. Give me my cat." She said without meeting his glance.

He looked down at the purring mass of white fur, "I think we should talk."

"No." she exclaimed.

He held the cat high and looked him in the eye. "I like him, I'm gonna take him home."

She gasped. "He's mine! Moon! Kitty, kitty." She cried hoping the cat would jump from his clutches.

"I don't think so. Look at how he loves me." The cat meowed and tried to wiggle free. Amber took a step towards him, arms outstretched to grab the cat, but Corny turned him away.

"Ah, ah, ah!" He smiled at her slyly, "Told you, he's mine now. Can I come in?"

"Give me my cat!" she began to flush.

"Oh I don't think so" This was the reaction he wanted, "You want to let me in and we can discuss it?"

She huffed and headed for the door. He followed her down the hallway to her apartment and stepped inside, pushing the door closed with his foot.

"There see how easy that was?" he giggled.

She headed toward the kitchenette but he scooted in front of her, snatching the canister of cat food. The cat tried to wiggle free as he switched him to the arm by the broken ribs. He tried not to wince as the cat struggled. He had a mission and the pain was not going to get in the way of it. Twisting the lid off the canister, he scooped up a handful of food. Moon seemed quite satisfied to be eating from his hand.

"Good Kitty." Corny sang, "See Amber, he does love me!"

"He loves that food." She growled, "Now put him down and get out."

"Nope, you and I are going to have a little talk."

"Get out!" she yelled as she stamped her foot.

"Atta girl," he thought.

"Now let's see." He said without missing a beat, "There's got to be a liter box somewhere around here. No sense buying one when you're not going to need it any more. And liter. I'm sure there's a bag around….."

He started making his way through the apartment with Moon still eating as he went. "Oh yeah, that catnip mouse. I'm sure he loves that. We'll need it. Does he play with Bizzy balls? I can get those…."

Anger bubbled up inside of her. She began to shake. She reached down for her book and it whizzed past his head. He looked her way and smiled.

"Your aim has never been great," He said as he dodged, "Try again."

She began to throw anything within her grasp. He laughed as she became more frenzied. A pillow, a pen, her purse. She got angrier and angrier, never noticing when he dropped the cat.

"You can't beat me. I've taken everything away from you." He exclaimed as she picked up the lamp, yanking the cord from the wall, "Might as well take him too."

Her eyes narrowed and the lamp dropped onto the floor, "You smarmy bastard! No way!"

As she rushed him, he stepped aside and caught her up in his good arm. He captured her and held on for dear life. A stream of obscenities escaped her lips as she struggled to free herself, flailing and kicking.

"I took it all Amber." He calmly stated into her ear, "Your life, your mother. I took it all. Now Moon comes with me."

She struggled harder as he fought to keep her contained. Minutes ticked by. Her screams turned to sobs and she began to spasm. He felt her relax as she cried.

"That's it Baby," he cooed, "You just let it all out. You deserve it."

"No I don't" she sobbed, "I don't…."

"Yes you do. You deserve ten years of tears." He whispered to her, "I'm so sorry for what happened. I'm sorry for what I did to you."

She let herself be supported totally by his arm and she moaned. He let her cry. She needed it. He held her tight, as she shook. When the sobs slowed, he leaned down to her again.

"I've done all I can do for you, Amber." He whispered, "I've apologized for everything. Now the choice is yours. You can sit here, wallowing in self pity, or you can come back with the rest of us."

On those words, she gasped and began to struggle again, "I am not wallowing in anything…."

He wouldn't be interrupted, "But I will tell you this Amber Von Tussle, it's much brighter on my side of the world than it is on yours. Now, if you want to stay under your little black raincloud, fine. I really think you'd like it better in my world. With me."

In one motion he turned her, pulled her head to his and crushed his lips onto hers. She twisted, trying to pull free, but he held her firmly. Without thinking, she began to relax. Her hands traveled up his back, feeling his muscles move as he caressed her and she couldn't help but give in. The comfort of his closeness overwhelmed her and she flowed with his movements. She drank him in.

Just as suddenly, he pulled away. Her eyes were still closed, arms reaching for his embrace.

"I'm going to get my life back, Amber Leigh. If you want to find me, I'll be at Maybelle Stubbs's Record shop down on North Avenue. Join me in my world or not. I can't care anymore." He stated and walked out the door.

Amber stood frozen as the door slammed behind him. Moon rubbed against her legs and meowed.


	18. Chapter 18

_I want to give a shout out to everyone who reviewed,  
Christina, Deathrace, Elle Sparrow, Hippogriff-tamer, JustAnotherHairsprayLover, LazyChestnut, Pixy0116, Pool water, Winterblaze, Writingtiger,  
__and the Queen of A/C Writergirl!  
Thank you so much!_

_Epilogue to follow! _

17

Corny never realized how bad he actually looked until he visited his mom that Sunday. Everyone in the Home questioned who he was. His mother's eyes grew wide when he walked in. He saw joy that he hadn't seen in years. She was full of glee when he told her about his new job. She finally felt her son had come home.

He arrived at Maybelle's Monday morning. Penny taught him how to work the cash register and inventory the records. Maybelle brought them lunch and they chatted before the afterschool rush came in. He told them about Amber and what went on with her. Maybelle said she would pray for her to be whole. Corny prayed as well. He wanted to see her, to hold her again, but the choice was hers to make. No one can make a person chose to be well, and no matter how much he wished for her, it would not make it so. He understood that.

Penny's labor became intense as he held her hand that Wednesday. He had been in their lives for the birth of her first son and she smiled at the look of concern that hung on his face now.

"I'm glad you're back." Penny said as she took a deep breath, "You owe me two baby gifts."

Seaweed rushed in from parking the car in front of the shop. "Come on Baby." He exclaimed as he helped her out, "Can you handle the shop alone, Man?" he asked Corny.

"I've got it under control. You and Maybelle take care of her." He replied, "And Penny I'll need to know if that's pink or blue."

She smiled as they made their way out the door. He watched after them and had to admit a touch of jealously. His mind drifted. Back to that apartment and the way she felt. He pushed it way as he opened the box of LPs. No sense in wishing for what couldn't be.

o0o

It took her a while to choose the right bus schedule that would lead her down to North Avenue. She was confused at first as she adjusted her new wire framed glasses and looked them over. Finally, she asked at the counter. She lady smiled and handed her the proper brochure. She thanked her and was on her way.

She waited at the corner for the bus to arrive. Her peasant blouse waved in the wind and a chill ran up her spine. Was it a sign that she shouldn't be doing this? No, she would never think that way again. Those old "ideas of reference" needed to be pushed away. Only she could make her future, nothing could keep her from it. Melody told her that when she saw her on Thursday. She had been shocked and surprised by Amber's attitude as she relayed the story. The whole story, from beginning to end. Amber smiled wide when she realized Melody was right in what she told her. Amber Von Tussle was no more, the old "mouse" was gone too. Now she would become the person who lived on this side of the world. On his side.

It wasn't far to walk from where the bus dropped her off to the front of that shop. Seeing it made her feel apprehensive for the first time. What if he wasn't there? What if they turned her away? She shook her head and brushed a blonde corkscrew back from her face. He told her to come there and he would be there. He had to be.

A bell rang above her head as she pushed the door open. Her eyes adjusted to the light. There by the counter stood a tall stately woman. She chatted easily with the customers as she placed a record on the player. Her eyes drifted up.

"May I help……Amber?" she said as Amber made her way over.

The woman's face lit with a smile. Inez. All grown up, there stood Inez Stubbs. "Momma!" she yelled as she made her way around and caught Amber in a hug, "Good Lord girl! It's been years! How are you, Honey?"

Amber couldn't help but smile. She was beautiful. Amber opened her mouth to reply when she heard a commotion behind her.

Maybelle ran up and snatched her thin frame from her daughter's grasp. "Child! It's so good to see you! Let me look at you!" Maybelle held her by the arms as she studied her face, "Jesus be praised! Oh Amber you look just fine! Come on over here and give me a hug!"

They laughed and talked. Maybelle told her how happy she was to have her visit at this time. Inez was in for the birth of Penny's son and if she had come by next week she would be gone. The Larkins were coming by for dinner tomorrow. She might want to consider coming. She was welcome anytime but this was kind of a special occasion and everyone would be glad to see her. They have a big Memorial Day BBQ coming up in a while. She just had to come to that…..

"Maybelle." Amber interrupted, looking down, "Corny said that I could find him here. Is he around?"

Maybelle shot Inez a sideglance and she smiled.

"He's in the back with Seaweed, getting a delivery off the truck." Inez pointed to the back door. "You can find him there."

Amber moved to the door as she waved a thank you. She pushed it open slowly and stood in the frame. Seaweed handed boxes to Corny and he stacked them to the side. Seaweed saw her first.

"Corny," Seaweed said as he nodded towards her, "I think someone is here to see you."

He turned and saw her standing in the doorway. He stopped and didn't move. Seaweed smiled as he jumped from the truck and took the box from his friend. "Here, Momma will need this inside."

"Yeah, thanks." Corny said as he surrendered it, his eyes never leaving her.

Seaweed grinned as she stepped aside, "Hey Amber! Good to see you!" he exclaimed as he brushed by. She smiled and nodded.

Corny whispered, "Thank you Lord," and proceeded to trip over a box near his feet. He looked back and she giggled.

He couldn't take his eyes off her. He wanted to sweep her up and kiss her until she fainted. Instead he made his way to her, stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down.

"Hi," he heard her say.

"Hi." He said as he began to study her. New glasses, new clothes, her hair was pulled back and tied with a scarf. She looked simply beautiful.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Oh I'm fine and you?" He stuttered.

"I'm good. I feel good." She replied. "I was wondering…." She began as her eyes swept down.

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering if your offer is still stands." she said as she tilted her head.

"Offer?" he asked not quite understanding her words.

"The offer to come into your world. To come with you?" she asked without looking up.

He took a step towards her and caught her in his embrace. "Oh God, yes. That offer is still good. Always"

She expected fireworks and shooting stars when he held her again, but the feeling of unbelievable comfort was wonderful enough. She rubbed her forehead against his chest, "I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. Everything. I couldn't have done it without you."

He lifted her chin. "I can say the same Amber. I wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for you."

He looked into her eyes. There was a brightness he hadn't seen before. Not the fire from years ago, but a soft glow. He looked at her lips and started to lean down, but hesitated, looking up again. Is this what she wanted? Would he send her running if he took that step? There was no panic in her eyes. Only that glow. Slowly he brushed his lips on hers and she sighed. He looked at her apprehensively as she smiled and pulled him down for their lips to meet again. He knew she felt the same. He could have stayed there forever, lost in the feeling of her.

She pulled back, her hand drifting up to his cheek as her stared at her. He put his on hers then turned to kiss her palm. "You're going to stay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Come on in and see the gang." He smiled and took her hand, pulling her inside. "Penny and Seaweed are on their third baby. Inez got married last year. She and her husband are living in North Carolina. He's a Marine too! I think Link and Tracy are coming by this weekend. Link's third record is up to 27 on the Billboard charts. I haven't seen them yet so……"

He continued to fill her in on the people she used to know. The people she would know again. But really, she heard none of it. She was lost in the sparkle of those blue eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

_Thanks again everyone. Now you get going on your story!_

Epilogue - Two years later

The twins hung on for dear life as they toddled along. Holding on to adult fingers, chubby feet stepped one in front of the other as the family cheered. Each little girl grinned a new tooth studded smile as they made their way across the back yard. The family clapped for the twins. Or at least that's what everyone called them, the twins.

They were born on the same day, to different parents in different cities. One black and one white. One light and one dark. Mariah's blonde curls bounced and Bella May's black puffs stuck out from small bows on either side of her head. They were darling as Auntie Penny turned thoughtfully to her husband.

"Seaweed, how come YOU can't give me a girl?" she exclaimed, "Corny and Tyrone gave their wives girls. How come I can't have one?"

The fathers looked at each other, "The few, the proud, the Marines!" they huffed in unison as they struck a pose, "Hoo-Yah!"

Amber and Inez looked up from their daughters and their eyes rolled. "Not this again…" Inez said to Amber.

Seaweed laughed and hugged his wife, "Baby, I'm working on a baseball team. We'll talk about a bat girl when we make it into the league!" He patted her tummy and kissed her on the cheek.

"You may get your bat girl this time, Young man!" Corny said as he put an arm around Penny. "Fourth time's the charm, eh?" he said as he smiled at her.

Maybelle called from the window upstairs. She and Elsie had finished the salads and needed help transporting them down. The Moms grabbed the babies, sat them in the playpen and scurried off. Seaweed looked down as Bella put a binkie into her mouth. Mariah spied it and snatched it for her own. Bella looked at her.

"Oooo Corny, your daughter's got some Von Tussle in her!" Seaweed laughed.

As if she understood, Bella grabbed it back and handed Mariah another from behind her. Mariah seemed shocked but only until she saw the stuffed lamb in the corner. She picked it up and showed it to her Daddy. Bella grinned from behind the pacifier.

"Looks like a little Stubbs there too." Corny smiled, "She's going for what she wants. That girl will go far."

"Hey Ace! You plannin' on burning up all Miss Maybelle's BBQ?" Fil called out from his vantage point by the picnic table. Regina and Corny got to the grill at the same time and slammed the lid down to smother the rising flames. They peeped underneath and saw only one steak was charred. He smiled at her.

"How did I get stuck with this? The vegetarian?" he stated with a shrug, "Who told these people I could grill?"

Regina laughed, "Not me. I think it was Amber….."

"What did I say?" Amber asked as she put the platter of corncobs on the table. Her eyes drifted to the grill and her nose wrinkled at the sight of the burnt meat, "Ewww, Corny that's overdone."

"Did you volunteer me for this job, Babydoll?" He said to his wife as he handed Regina the tongs, "Here, can you short-order for me?"

"Hey, I'm off work today!" she cried.

"Yeah me too." He took Amber's hand, looked around and pulled her behind the shed. She looked into his eyes.

"What are you doing?" she giggled.

"Seaweed told me that Penny would be willing to take the baby tonight." He nuzzled her neck, "How about some Mommy and Daddy time for a while?"

"Corny, you know Mariah won't sleep for anyone! You have to rock her or she won't fall aslee...Mmmmm." Amber said as her eyes closed and her head fell back. Her hand slipped into his hair, encouraging him to move lower.

"Wait!" he broke free of her and hurried over to Inez and Penny who were improvising a shade over the playpen. Both babies had slipped into a contented sleep. Corny leaned over to Penny and whispered in her ear. She laughed and gave him a nudge. He made his way back to Amber.

"Come on." He pulled her to the back fence and hopped over. "Penny said she would get us if she wakes up." He put his hands out and lifted Amber to his side. Hand in hand they ran across the alley to their own apartment. No one noticed that they were gone.


End file.
